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My research essay is regarding surveillance in schools. I’ve ordered from writer

My research essay is regarding surveillance in schools. I’ve ordered from writers and here and was given lots of bad writing, according from professors. I have attatched the writing that was given to me and was told was bad by professor. Any way you can fix it? It also needs annotatted bibliography and this project needs to be characterized as auto/ethnographic.
1. Does your project demonstrate extensive engagement with the research from your annotated bibliography? (in the form of extended in-text analysis, paraphrase, citation, quotation, and footnotes). Note: you cannot pass this course without completion of the annotated bibliography. See #7 below.
2. Can this project be characterized as auto/ethnographic? If not, is any of the research you use for this project auto/ethnographic–meaning that it makes use of fieldnotes, interviews, and/or archives? (if the project is not an auto/ethnography, but does make use of some ethnographic research elements, I will take that into consideration when grading)
3. Does your project have a clearly organized trajectory and purpose? (e.g., its purpose can be summarized clearly in a few sentences; it starts by contextualizing a social justice problem in education; it considers and analyzes some of the reasons for how that problem came about, both socially and historically; it introduces and critiques modes of thought and action for addressing the problem. While you might not follow that trajectory exactly, it is an example of a clear path. If you can’t make your own path clear, then you have work to do).
4. Have you made an effort to use a cohesive and compelling design strategy that includes attention to typographical elements like how words are arranged on a page to facilitate readability and pleasure and/or how colors and graphics can invite certain frames of mind or mood?
5. Have you given consideration to the multimedia aspect of this project–how to use photography and other visual elements effectively or recorded sound or video?
6. Did you include a works cited page after the essay? (not the same as a bibliography, a works cited refers to the sources you cited and engaged in the body of the essay).
7. Did you include your annotated bibliography after the works cited page? For instructions, go HERE.
8. Did you do a spell and grammar check? Did you read your essay aloud one last time to check for any syntactically confusing sentences or unnecessary repetitions?

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